The Long Road to Soddo

The 'Normal' That Never Came

2010-04-10T20:06:00.000-07:00

Hello to all my faithful readers, all 5 of you! I thought it might be time to post another update if anything else, to let folks know that we are still alive : )

We passed our one year mark in January and there's good and bad that comes with that. On one hand, I'm so thankful that I've become a turbo-mommy-machine in this past year. Life forces you to change sometimes, in some really good ways. I remember back in April of last year when my last meal was delivered to me and I remember thinking, 'how in the world am I going to do this on my own?' The madness of mountains of laundry, the volume of groceries etc. But now I do all of these things without really even thinking how much harder it is. As I told someone at the grocery store the other day (a notorious peanut gallery of commenting about my family always ensues there) that you really can get used to anything.

So on a practical level, I've go this down. The hard part.... the sad part.... is that we are so often discouraged and even depressed about the way attachment has progressed. You have to think that the way the adoption classes prepare you to attach to just ONE child means that trying to attach to four, all at once, is going to be tricky to say the least. I can say without a doubt that attaching to the twins (adopted at 9 months old) has been a completely different experience than with the older kids. I assumed it would be but didn't realize how profoundly distinct the experience would be. I love all four of them but it's not the same. I think we had thought that time, especially a whole year, would really bond us together with these kids. We know them-- their habits, their likes/dislikes, insecurities, sin issues etc. But I am astonished some days, and then depressed over it, when I recognize how easily I am annoyed or angered by them, in a way that is different than my biological children. I want it so badly to be the same and to treat them justly, but I don't and sometimes it scares me to see how I think I'm becoming numb to it- 'oh well, that's just who he is and that thing he does is always going to bug me.' I think my biggest fear is that I'll give up trying to make it better.

This post was not meant to be so introspective but after talking with other adoptive moms over the past year, I am amazed at the silence I see regarding these hard, overwhelming issues - no one is talking about them. Maybe they're afraid people will think they're awful parents, maybe I would have thought that too had I not adopted and walked this road myself. But I think it's helpful to say, 'you know, this really stinks. (!) This is really hard and some days I don't believe it will ever be what it should be.'

The good news is I have a few friends who are much further down the road than I and they testify that God DOES bring new life and growth in your relationship with your adopted kids. But that it takes more time than we might have expected or hoped for. So for today, I remember that 'He who began a good work in me, WILL carry it on to completion'. I'm counting on it : )

Summer updates

2009-08-15T20:26:00.001-07:00

Hard Decisions and Update

2009-08-15T19:50:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure anyone will read this ; ), but for the two people out there who still occasionally check my blog, this is for you!

We have been home 7 months now and some things are routine and simple at this point, others are still very hard. Speaking English has come along really well and both G__ and L___ understand most daily conversations and are communicating pretty well on their own. They have become very close with their new siblings and although we have daily sibling conflicts, they have very healthy attachments to each other. (In fact, H__ was devastated when the school --see below-- would not allow G___ to be in his first grade class with him and sit next to him! It was a beautiful moment to see as a parent.)

This month presented a new dilemma, one I had not anticipated, really. As the twins have grown and developed all kinds of new skills (like walking and opening doors and exploring unauthorized places) I am overwhelmed all over again with daily life. I attempted to homeschool the older four kids a few weeks back, just to test-drive our new situation and see what kind of planning I would need to do. It was a good wake-up call as I quickly realized I was in WAY over my head. I guess a combination of the baby chaos, L___ and G___ needing high amounts of individual attention from me and Henry being first grade, also still needing one-on-one attention. And then having S___ starting 5th grade with so much more intensity applied to new subjects.... after one day, I was in a panic. I realized that if there is a mom out there that can homeschool these kids under these circumstances, it was not going to be me.

In January I had waitlisted H___ and L___ at a local classical charter school as a sort of back-up plan, should this situation come up. I called them the day before school started and asked if they could fit G___ into their first grade and much to my astonishment, a spot opened up. I felt like this was confirmation that all three should attend school for this year. So here is a picture of their first day of school. H___ and G___ attend first grade while L___ does morning kindergarten. I'm still homeschooling S___ with the babies underfoot but we have found so far that it is a good arrangement for now. I do hope to bring them all back home again next Fall to homeschool, after they have each grown and become a bit more independent. But for now, this is the 'new normal'.

I have always been told that you have to hold on to convictions like homeschooling with a gentle grip. I think until now, I had always had the opinion that no matter what our life situation, I would find a way to make homeschooling happen for our kids. But this adoption has forged a lot of new frontiers for me, in some really good ways, and my horizons are broadening. I am seeing now that God can lead you down unfamiliar paths sometimes but as long as you continue to listen to and respond to His leading, He will bless you and be in the midst of what you're doing at that moment. That is my prayer for this year, that He would go before these 3 little ones at school and use this time to bond us into closer attachments with our adopted kids and mature and grow S___ and H___ through these new experiences.

Tigist and Mebratu's 'Abetee'

2009-03-27T20:14:00.000-07:00

While we were in Ethiopia to pick up our children, we stayed in a guest house with a few other adoptive American families. One of those families was also with our agency and was adopting a son who was from the same village as our children. When we picked up our kids from the foster care center and brought them back to the guest house, it was immediately apparent that these three were buddies, or, 'abetees'.

For the next few days, they played non-stop and constantly chattered in their native Wolaitian language. This was actually one of several graces that God planted in our life during that nightmarish week. Tigist and Mebratu were very good anyway, but to have a close friend to pal around with initially was quite a treat for them and quite a relief for us so we could focus on one sick baby.

We also flew on the same flight home to the U.S. together and then parted ways at Dulles (D.C.) airport when they went on to the Northwest and we flew home. It was a tearful moment to see these sweet children part, one more time, from their last link to 'home' and their former life, which they had almost completely left behind, save for the memories in their little heads. Strangely, the kids did not cry, just their new families. My hunch is that this one last breaking from their past was small compared to the other losses they had already grieved (and still are grieving). I don't know - emotionally, I still haven't figured my kids out and probably never will, but that's another post.

I recently contacted their 'Abetee's' mom and we arranged a phone call for the kids to chat and catch up. Tigist and Mebratu were quite delighted at the thought of getting to talk with him over the phone. They spent all of last night's dinner practicing and thinking about what they were going to say. (which my other kids turned into a silly session of thinking of all the wacky things they could tell Abetee about their new life with us... and the conversation went south from there).

Today the phone call came and I ran outside to pull the kids in to talk to Abettee. It was a little different than we expected. In the first 30 seconds, I think we heard some Wolaitian phrases tossed back and forth ( it was hard to tell because Mebratu kept screaming in his high-pitched little voice 'ABETEE!!!') He was in shock, I think that you could hear a familiar voice come out of that black thing that hangs on the wall (I don't think he's ever used a phone before) Then, I got down close to Tigist and listened, urging her to use 'words', and talk to Abettee with their 'Wolaitia words'. What happened next was so fascinating and at the same time, it made me sad. She looked at me and seemed confused at first. Then, I think she got what I was saying, that she could have a conversation with Abetee in her native tongue. She looked up at the ceiling like she was thinking very hard and then she looked a bit uncomfortable and confused at the same time. Her mind was grasping for Wolaitian words.... but they were gone. After only 9 weeks in the U.S., her native language has almost disappeared. I had assumed she would/could speak it now, if just given an opportunity.

But this experience today confirms what other adoptive families have told us. They lose their native language quickly. Not to say that they are talking up a storm in English. Quite the opposite. I have actually been frustrated with the 'wall' we've hit lately in her English. (Not so much with Mebratu who speaks much more English than she does.) I think that with Tigist being older (almost 8), she has entered the silent phase. She has no language right now. She is continuing to absorb English but does not speak it.

I know this is true because she and Sophie and I were listening to 'Adventures in Odyssey' tonight and she busted out laughing at the kid who wrote the poem about 'loving pants'. She got it! So, I think she does hear so much more than she speaks.

And so it was a bitter sweet kind of day. I see the Ethiopian identity of my children fading fast. I'm happy and excited for them to come into their own here, as Americans-- because that is what they are now. And I know that the new identity as Americans and as our children is ultimately going to bring them happiness. But at the same time, I am grieving for them. That so much has been lost and that the old Tigist and Mebratu that spoke a remote tribal dialect of southern Ethiopian, are leaving us for good.

Six Weeks Home

2009-03-06T19:44:00.000-08:00

It is hard to believe it has been 6 weeks today that we arrived home from Ethiopia. In some ways it feels like a few years (!) but in other ways, it could have been last week.

The kids are adjusting well, I think. My expectations, I'm sure, were much too high for these little people. The language is slowly coming, sinking in - I think - but somedays I wonder if we have made any progress at all. Luke (Mebratu) is embracing his American life much more than his sister. He corrects people who still try to call him Mebratu. While Tigist ignores the name 'Grace' when we call it. In time, I think she will accept it. I don't think she dislikes the actual name, I think it is more of what it represents, perhaps, a loss of who she was.

Tigist is such a complex little person. She rarely speaks, smiles and nods when appropriate but is very reserved. When Sophie used Tigist's former (Ethiopian) last name this week, Tigist firmly- with an edge of anger- corrected her saying, 'No! Tigist BROWN'. She was visibly upset and did not want to be called her former full name again.

I know that some day we will be able to discuss all of these things with her and begin to relate to her feelings more. But for now, there continues to be a very high wall between us that I can barely see over. So many days I wish I could say, 'We're so happy you're here! Are you sad? Do you miss Ethiopia? Do you feel like you fit in here? Do you miss your home?" Oh, there is so much we could talk about if we could just talk! Until then, we will wait for the words to come.

Let's Pretend We're Homeless

2009-02-18T12:57:00.000-08:00

For many years, even when they were really small, our kids have loved to pretend they're homeless. It always involves being in the backyard and pretending to scavenge around for food and then making a 'home' somewhere while wearing odd items of clothes they found in the dress-up box. For some reason, this is a LOT of fun, according to Sophie and Henry.

Now that they have two new playmates from Ethiopia in the backyard, I was curious whether they would find this activity any fun. My thought was that this might be a little too close to a recent reality for them. Well, whether it resembles a former life or not, I am happy to report that they are just as fascinated with making a home out of old towels and sticks in the back corner of our yard as my other kids are. I guess kids are really the same, no matter where they come from.

And, I am thankful all four of them enjoy it as much as they do since it seems to wear them out and releases a lot of energy, one of my biggest goals right now : )

Mebratu's Empty Plate

2009-02-12T12:52:00.000-08:00

I remember seeing those World Vision specials on t.v. when I was a kid. They would show sad pictures of children starving in Ethiopia and I would always end up cleaning my plate off a little better that night at the dinner table. The guilt of wasting my 'plenty' made me try a little harder to eat those green beans.

Well, bringing Ethiopia into my own kitchen has had a similar effect on me. Each night at the dinner table, Mebratu (Luke) performs an amazing feat. First off, I've never seen a child this age eat such a variety of food (spicy things, bland things, gross things.... anything) and then not just eat the token 3 bites of a given food, but clean the plate off.

We were eating leftover Ethiopian chicken the other night (thank you, Heidi!) and I had finished my plate and was walking over to the trash to dump what I had left on my plate. I glanced over at Mebratu as he was walking his plate over and my heart sank. There was literally nothing left on his plate but the bare bones of two pieces of chicken. I don't think my dog could have left those bones more clean. Then I looked down at my chicken bones and this sense of guilt washed over me. There are parts of a piece of chicken that I guess I would say aren't considered 'edible' to me. But not to Mebratu. If I had let him, he would have taken my pieces and finished off the 'food' that was still there.

It made me stop and think about what his life must have been like over there. I imagine that meat or poultry was almost non-existent. (which is why he looks delighted at almost any meal when we set some kind of meat in front of him!) I think if I really knew what he lived through, given his very small size and possible rickets diagnosis (he is not even on the chart at the pediatrician's office for a 5 or 6 year old, according to American standards) and the evidence of his clean chicken bones, I would never want to throw food away again.

Fast Friends

2009-02-12T12:44:00.000-08:00

The nap that just needed to happen...

The Hard Stuff

2009-02-07T19:25:00.001-08:00

Tonight I just have to vent a bit. We are feeling overwhelmed with the mountain of problems these poor children have. So many issues to address and not knowing how we will pay to fix them (or find the time for all the appointments needed to work on them.... ) I'll just list them off:

1) Olivia seems to have no ability to use her legs. We keep trying to get her stand on us when we hold her but she just buckles and cries. She tips over easily and barley sits up. She is, however, mostly healed from the pneumonia (as far as we can tell ) but we'll do another chest x-ray in a few weeks.

2) Luke has the saddest little legs I've ever seen. One of his knees buckles inward-- we have no idea why and it makes him run in a very awkward way. They are so thin, frail and have no muscle tone. He has almost no toenails. The pediatrician thinks they were eaten by fungus and may/may not ever grow back. We figured out why he is so obsessed with always having socks on. I think he is self-conscious about it (and he has to protect his little toes)

3) Both Luke and Grace have horrible breath and if you look in their mouths, almost half their teeth are brown (I assume they're rotten but honestly, I am terrified of taking them to the dentist to hear what will have to be done.) But I'm not sure how much longer we can take the stench!

4) Grace had a fungus on her scalp while in the orphanage. It looked fine/healthy when we got her but now there is something weird on Henry's head and I'm fearful that the fungus is reappearing in the family. This is a matter of prayer-- please pray that we are not overtaken by a scalp fungus! And if you know anything about this, please write me... I am clueless.

5) As I've tried to work with the kids this week on writing letters/numbers- oh, it has been slow. I know I need to be patient.... very patient. They have never had any kind of education. But how slow they are to learn has been a bit of a disappointment to me. We Americans do so much with our kids. Our toddlers can sort shapes and colors before they walk! These guys can't do that now at age 6 and 8 (or whatever they are, we don't know). Things like using scissors, pulling up stickers off a page; being able to see if something is upside down; holding a pencil; counting plastic teddy bears.... none of that is there. I am really struggling to not be discouraged about this right now. I know I need to remember where they have been (and I don't even really know the answer to that) and that they have been raised in a place so far from my face-paced, 'intelligence-driven' culture and way of raising children. Another thing to pray about : ) I know God need to change me on this point, not them.

6) And lastly, (and I promise this is my last gripe), they are wild! Unless you can strap them to a chair (don't worry, I'm not doing that!) they run through my house and have this high-pitched Ethiopian scream and yell words that are driving me crazy! Luke constantly makes paper airplanes and propels them at us and loves any kind of gun/weapon. They constantly rumage through drawers and closets and I can't find so many things... i.e. where the heck are my orange scissors??? I know it must be because they are bored and aren't sure what to do with themselves but I don't know what to do with them either! I try to get them to sit and color and that lasts about 2 minutes. And you've heard about the 'Sesame Street' fiasco (which by the way has resulted in a constant Ethiopian-accented rendition of the 'Elmo's World' them song. And, they picked up the phrase 'check it out' which they love to scream at inappropriate times). I guess what I'm saying is that I need wisdom and creativity to figure out how to keep them busy, in a good way. There is so little that they can do and I am just out of energy and ideas.

Okay, that is my vent for tonight. Mostly, it a plea for prayer and now you know what to pray for. I know that we are in the worst of so much of this right now. So many unanswered questions, so many insecurities about the future, so much work ahead of us-- it has been daunting. But I know that God has given these children to us-- they are ours. I just need to figure out how to make it through tomorrow : )

My Twins and Their Fifth Wheel

2009-02-06T19:33:00.000-08:00

These pictures describe the story of our photo session today. I dressed the babies in their new "Nana Outfits" and set them up on the floor. I went to get my camera and when I came back, I noticed Digory meandering over from where he was taking his nap. He then proceeded to plant himself as close to them as he could (see picture number four) and right smack in the middle of my portrait. I didn't have the heart to shove him out of the way so, here he is. But it illustrates the saga of his life at the moment-- clammoring to remain the baby of the family, but recognizing that he is now number seven and down at the bottom of the totem poll. He does, however, LOVE the kids and especially the babies. They grab a fistfull of his fur and he never even flinches-- just enjoys the attention even if it comes with a bit of pain. (notice Digory is resting his head on Olivia's leg in the last picture - so sweet.)

No English and No Naps But We're Having Fun

2009-02-04T14:56:00.000-08:00

We have been home for 11 days now. In some ways, it feels like an eternity. The days are LONG because I am not used to being 'on' for the entire day. But, we are surviving well.

First, I want to let all my readers know about the amazing help I am getting from my friends and church. We get meals delivered to us at least every other day, sometimes more, and almost each day someone picks up laundry and then delivers it back to my house, clean and folded! I told someone that I feel like I'm riding a bike with training wheels right now and eventually, those wheels will have to come off but for now, what a relief that they are there.

We are enjoying being a family of 8. When we pack everyone into the Suburban, it is such a delight to look in my rear-view mirror and see 6 little faces looking at me. Mealtime is loud and crazy but full of fun - our table for 6 is full at last. Our new kids are great eaters. They rarely complain about anything in front of them and when they do, I just give them a look and they go on and eat whatever it is anyway. We have found that we have to cut them off, especially Mebratu, or he would eat until he makes himself sick. It has been nice, though, to have them as examples to the existing picky eaters in the family. We now have a no-tolerance policy for people who don't eat their dinner and the Ethiopians are leading the way with that.

Regarding the English speaking, we are still waiting for the words to come. My hunch at this point is that they are absorbing what we're saying and that one of these days, they might try speaking something in English. One Amharic word that has got to go is 'shint' which means 'bathroom' in English. Having them yell that in public, as happened today, is not going to work. I have tried to get them to sit in front of the t.v. to watch 'Sesame Street' (I had been advised this is a good way for them to pick up a lot of vocabulary as well as conversational English). However, Mebratu prefers to run through the house all morning playing with loud, electronic baby toys. When we 'forced' him to sit and watch it this morning-- so that I could do school quietly with Sophie and Henry upstairs-- he balled his eyes out for an entire 35 minutes. Mind boggling. I thought all kids love t.v. but now we know... Nonetheless, coerced 'Sesame Street' viewing will be on my agenda each day.

The babies are a TON of work but so much fun. We love on them and kiss on them just like we did Sophie and Henry. Bonding with them has come naturally and we see signs of attachment such as refusing the extended arms of others while burying their little faces in our shoulders; and noticing that a 'mommy sighting' (me trying to walk by without being seen) produces wailing and tears. Woohoo! They love us!

We have had a few episodes of pinching and hitting among certain family members. Again, this is so hard to sort out. Who hit who and why? I'm so afraid of falsely accusing the new kids because they cannot tell me their side but I am realizing more and more that they are not blameless, although their faces make them seem that way. So, we are slowly starting to implement discipline and it has been effective... I think. When the English comes, it will be a whole new world.

Besides the ketchup strangely appearing on the walls around the home, Olivia's daily poop blowouts (it mysteriously ends up all over her body and she's just sitting there doing nothing- how does that happen???), the drip system being pulled up from the backyard, Olivia refusing to nap more than 30 minutes at a time-- we are really doing quite well. But, please keep the prayers coming. We cannot imagine how we would be coping without them.
P.S. - Notice that I attempted matching outfits, sort of, in the picture above. That was foiled by one of the infamous Olivia poop blowouts mentioned in this post. After that, I gave up on the stripes.

America's (Not Ethiopia's), Funniest Home Videos

2009-01-28T17:32:00.000-08:00

We are learning some fun and peculiar things about Ethiopians.

We have a family tradition of crowding onto the couch and watching America's Funniest Home Videos. We love it and typically Motte and I are laughing in tears over grandma on a pogo stick or something of that nature. However, we sat down with Tigist and Mebratu last night to introduce them to the show and it was interesting that they did not laugh much. In fact, when they did laugh I got the feeling it was only to join in with us. We had thought that humor might be universal (since our language barrier keeps us from watching anything else as a family) but it seems that in their culture, it just isn't funny to see various people 'eat it'.

In other news, the twins continue to drain the life out of us. Wow, I am really old I guess because I thought I could handle the exhaustion and raw physical work of taking care of twins better than this. Motte won't say it but I just know he is counting the days until he gets to return to his job (or 'day spa' as I like to call it). It has a lot to do with not having a schedule or really any inkling of an idea of what to do with them at any given moment. At 3:00 this afternoon, they were both crying, I couldn't remember when either of them had had a bottle or been changed and we both just said, 'now what?'. Good times. I know in my gut, though, that babies always do eventually get easier. This stage for us is really like having a newborn. You're just clueless and the cluelessness is the main cause for anxiety. Once we figure them out (it's just a double mystery at the moment), I think we will relax a little bit.

Anyway, please do pray for sleep for us and for wisdom. I apologize for the boring content here but this is the state of affairs at the moment. I'll try to report more interesting thoughts as they come up : )

We're Home!

2009-01-25T14:50:00.000-08:00

As many of you know, we could not access our blog while in Ethiopia. We were told that the Ethiopian government blocks 'blogger'. So, I am sorry that this photo is delayed!

This is the day we picked up the children at the orphanage. Meeting them for the first time was not like we had imagined. We arrived on a bus and as we were stepping out, Tigist ran up to us and tackled us with a hug! Were were so surprised and didn't have our video ready. We had always pictured her being reserved but she was clearly counting the minutes to our arrival and she knew exactly who we were when we stepped off the bus. Mebratu, on the other hand, sort of hung back and waited for us to come to him. He was watching us but I could tell right then that he was timid. And to this day, now that we're home, it's still like that.

We went into the orphanage to complete paperwork and to meet the twins. Wondemu was asleep when they handed them to us and then Konjit fell asleep a few minutes later. We ended up leaving the twins for one extra day so that we could take the older two back to the guest house and have some special time with them, getting to know them. In hindsight, we are so glad we did this because the babies (especially Olivia Kongit) ended up being very sick and once we took custody of them, life became very difficult.

Here is an excerpt from what I wrote on facebook (our only link to the rest of the world while we were there) to let you know what happened while we were in Ethiopia:

... we have no access to email or phone here in ethiopia but i was able to get on FB on the dial up computer at the guest house. Our travelling companion (vounteer nanny) has officially bailed. She couldn't get on our flight last night from Paris (although she was supposed to be booked on it, it was overbooked and they started kicking people off. When she realized she would have to fly from paris to addis the next a.m. on her own, without us, she said she wanted to go home and forget it. we were devastated, counting on her help and many donors had paid her way (that w ill have to be settled later) we are pretty down and and really just shocked. Please pray for peace that this was God's will, that we do this alone. After arriving in Addis this a.m., 2 large pieces of luggage were gone. They have all the kids' clothes, diapers and most of the formula in them. They think they have found them in paris and they'll arrive here tues a.m. but we are supposed to get the kids on monday. please pray for wisdom on what to do. The guest house is run by very kind, sweet ethiopians. however, our room is right near the common area, it's loud, dogs bark outside the window constantly and our shower does not function yet. So, no sleep for 2 1/2 days, no shower for 3 days and wondering what we can eat and not get sick from.

To follow up on this first post, God provided by bringing our luggage to us on Monday morning rather than Tuesday. And, he gave us a strong sense that we should leave the babies for one more day at the orphanage so that we could have time with the kids. We got used to the dogs and figured out how to take a shower : ) (And did not get sick from the water as we had feared)

Here is my next post:

Finally back on line (until the power goes out!) What a crazy, hard last 48 hours. We have realized now that when we received Olivia on Tuesday afternoon, she was a very sick baby. We were told that she had a little cold but as the day wore on, her cough sounded very scary and her fever kept climbing. She was up all night and reached 106/107 fever, and breathed in a labored way we have never heard before. We called our agency and they assured us she was fine but we could take her to a doctor. At 1:30 in the am Motte headed out w/ a driver and drove threw slums to a hospital that was closed for the evening (how can that happen?) Then they found a clinic that would take her and the doctor there said she had pneumonia and prescribed an antibiotic. Another vist to the Korean Christan hospital today confirmed through a chest x ray that she has 3 areas of pneumonia in her lungs. Her fever has improved today but she is on a sleep-strike at the moment. Her breathing is still not good. So pray- that she improves significantly before tomorrow evening when our flight is supposed to leave Ethiopia and that both twins let us get more than 3-4 hours sleep tonight( we need rest before our 18 hour flight tomorrow). And, Oliver has a cold also that seems to be declining with a severe cough. Our airline may not allow her on if she is too sick and we just need to get her into the states so she can get better care. Olivia's health overall is not what we had been told. She is very small, cannot sit up at all and has little head control (she is 9 months old). We feel sad for her and know that she has lots of catching up to do, which she will do over time, but for now it is hard to see. She is strangely content to be alone and does not make a lot of eye contact- signs that attachment might be slow. So please also pray that she would have a sense/trust that we love her.Luke and Grace continue to be model citizens of Ethiopia. Still waiting for some sign of sin to kick in but so glad it hasn't (God's grace for this moment) It has been hard to leave them here at the guest house for long periods of time while we get medical care as we feel like we're neglecting them but sadly (reality) they don't seem to care much when we leave. They are just so used to being alone and on their own, I think.Anyway, we are sorry to sound so debbie-downer. This whole trip has just been plain ___(well, you fill in the blank) Nonetheless, we sense God carrying us through the fire and we know that your prayers are joined to that. Please keep them coming!!

I tear up now reading that with fresh memories of the misery. We were so afraid for Olivia and looking back now, we believe that God may have saved her life by bringing us to her at that exact time. We believe her pneumonia was not 'new' and it was threatening her life (with a 107 fever). We spent that whole night holding her and putting cold cloths on her, trying to force it down. I think our action to get the antibiotic and serious treatment (in spite of what the orphanage told us to do) could have saved her life. Nothing special about us but just having a loving parent come into the situation with an instinct that something bigger was going on is what may have saved her life.

And last, the trip home was absolutely the hardest 28 hours of my life. I would rather have given birth without an epidural than endure that! But, looking back, it was just something God wanted us to get through. We now have a severe phobia of flying with infants. I won't go into detail but the flight from Addis to DC was non-stop, 19 hours. Horrific. Projectile vomitting, hourly diarrhea from either or both twins; we ran out of diapers; ran out of formula and ran out of changes of clothes. We were surrounded by indifferent, annoyed and unhelpful people and well, it was just exhausting. However, Grace and Luke were perfect and slept and self entertained (as usual). They were great sports about it all and seemed to truly enjoy the ride at times. Again, God's grace to get through the rest of it.

We have been home almost 2 days and what a difference a few needed hours of sleep makes. We are enjoying the children so much. They are constantly running all over the house and out of breath (not used to steps I think), exploring all the toys and rooms. They love Sophie and Henry and have so much in common. Even though there is very little verbal communication, we are figuring out ways to get the message across. Children just seem to be able to relate without words. We hear squeals of delight and see Luke and Henry scrambling for the same bouncy ball in the hallway. We put them down for a 'quiet time' yesterday and Luke ended up falling asleep for 17 hours straight. I think he was just so overwhelmed and stimulated by everything new.

I have been writing this same post for 3 days ; ) Ah, life with 6 kids. So this paragraph is an update to the others. The beginning of sibling rivalry has kicked in. It was inevitable. Luke and Henry are having some territory battles but it is so hard to figure out who did what since one of them just spews out a bunch of words in defense of himself that make no sense to me at all. I need discernment!

Babies finally took naps today longer than 30 minutes. That was huge. I got a shower and a short nap myself. There is hope that my life might some day be 'normal' again! I'll update more later.

Are You Ready?

2009-01-09T19:31:00.000-08:00

I think I've been asked this question 100 times this week. (If you're one of the people that asked me, don't feel bad, it's the obvious question to ask me right now). However, the more I've been asked the more I pause to process what I still need to do and then I'm certain there's a whole other list of things that I've failed to think of doing at all. At any rate, I'm experiencing some anxiety

Motte blogged recently about being 'ready' here. I love the shock of truth in what he said. We're getting ready for... the pain. But then one of his readers responded to his post with a beautiful quote from Prince Caspian. She reminded us of the scene when Aslan asks Caspian if he is ready to be king. Caspian answers that he doesn't think he is. And Aslan replies, "If you had thought you were ready, it would have been a sign that you were not."

I think all Christians have defining moments like this in life; when we see that we are (completely) unevenly matched with the task at hand. But this is right where God loves to have us. Because at this moment, we reqlinquish the pride in our hearts and let go of our self-sufficiency and we look up into heaven and cry out, 'God, fill me with YOU.' Then, and only then, in the power of the Lord Jesus himself, there is nothing you can't do.

We look forward to telling the story of how God pulls us through this adventure!

We Leave for Africa Next Week!

2009-01-07T09:03:00.001-08:00

We are busy preparing for the trip of our life this week. Later next week, we will board a plane to Africa to bring our new children home. We have some wonderful news that God has brought us a helper for this trip. Her name is Courtney and she came to us through word-of-mouth, but really, it was just God. She is 28, single and has a huge heart for kids and especially orphans. She will be travelling with us and staying with us in Ethiopia to help us care for the kids! What an answer to prayer she is; honestly, a prayer that I did not have the faith to believe God would answer. He truly is supplying all our need.

Note: Oliver wants you to know that he intends to stop wearing pink when he comes home to us.

KOR Ministries Live Show/Podcast

2008-12-29T16:43:00.000-08:00

Today Motte and I had an opportunity to talk on a live-radio and podcast show about how God led us in our adoption process. We were invited by Ryan Dobson of KorMinistries to come into his studio and talk about how we 'heard God's call' to adopt. Here is the link if but the show won't be up for another week.

UPDATE: Korkast had some problems with their podcast company so it wasn't up this week. But it's up now on iTunes or you can click here to listen now.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-28T20:15:00.000-08:00

Is something missing in this picture? We thought so. Thus, this is not being sent out inside a zillion Christmas cards this year, as I would do any other year. Instead we have opted to wait and get a new family photo when ALL of the Browns are finally together. You'll have to agree with me that I will have a MUCH more exciting picture to mail out at the end of January. So, Christmas cards from the Browns will be sent out in February this year (okay maybe March, if having 6 children might perhaps affect my ability to send them out in a timely manner.) We'll see....

Our Fundraising Prayer

2008-12-22T15:55:00.000-08:00

We didn't know how the Lord would provide the $47,000 we needed to bring four Ethiopian children home. But we felt that even if we had to borrow tens of thousands of dollars to complete the adoption, we believed that God would meet our need one way or another.

And He has.

To date, we've raised a total of $38,730 -- $26,730 from individual gifts and $12,000 from two organizations in the form of grants, LifeSong for Orphans and Shaohannah's Hope. And though we're short of our goal, we are greatly humbled by the financial sacrifice many of our friends and family members (and, frankly, several people that had just met us) have made to bring new hope and life for these four orphans. And to bless our family to become their family.

Dear friends, thank you for making this possible. Thank you for coming alongside us in this most blessed endeavor. You have participated in what God calls a "pure and undefiled" religion, to care for the orphan.

What a faith-increasing thing it is to see the Lord provide over $40,000 to change forever our lives and the lives of Tigist, Mebratu, Konjit, and Wondamu.

How Much They've Changed

2008-12-20T18:02:00.000-08:00

I wanted to take you back to early May of this year to explain a bit of the transformation that has happened in our children since then. I'm posting another picture of our kids here, taken in May when they first arrived at the orphanage in Soddo. Pictures honestly don't tell the story well enough.

We think this picture was taken within days after their mother left to make the 20 kilometer journey back to their village. You can still see the fear and sadness on their faces. Slowly, thoughout the summer as we received new pictures and updates, we could begin to see faint smiles from them. And in October and November we finally saw a full smile from each of them (which I'll also post below for your enjoyment!)

And if pictures don't tell the story well enough, look at how much they grew in a little over six months.

Grace grew 2 1/2 inches and went from 30.8 pounds to 39. 7 pounds.
Luke grew almost 3 and 1/2 inches and went from 22 pounds to 31.5 pounds (do you know a 6 year old who weighs 22 pounds?)
And the twins were 5 pounds (Olivia) and 6.2 pounds (Oliver) when they were 3 weeks. They now weigh 14.3 pounds (Olivia) and 17.63 pounds (Oliver) at 7 1/2 months old. They are healthy!

I truly believe that God saved their lives through the loving care of this orphanage over the past 7 months. What a miracle.

Tomorrow, I will post a fascinating article written by an international adoption veteran, Michelle Gardner, titled Facing the Lion: The Ethiopian Famine. In it she explains the devastation and urgency of what is happening to Ethiopians and why orphan children are flooding their orphanages.

Introducing FOUR New Browns!

2008-12-16T07:39:00.000-08:00

Grace Tigist Brown (age 7-9)

Luke Mebratu Brown (5-6)

Oliver Wondimu Brown (DOB 4/24/08)

Olivia Konjit Brown (DOB 4/24/08)

Here they are! Just a few hours ago in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, a judge declared us to be their new parents.

I cannot tell you what a delight it is to finally be able to post pictures today of our beautiful children. It has been seven months since we first saw their picture and made the decision to adopt them. God has been faithful beyond words. We are overwhelmed this morning with a sense of undeserved blessing. God moved on their behalf and ours in this situation as so many adoption petitions are encountering difficulty at this stage. They are officially, legally Browns this morning! We will travel in January, Lord willing, to bring them home.

Thank you for praying! And praise God with us for this great work that He has done.

"As for me, I would seek God, and to God would I commit my cause,who does great things and unsearchable, marvelous things without number..." Job 5:8,9

Pray For Tomorrow's Court Date!

2008-12-15T12:30:00.000-08:00

As I write this post, it is almost midnight in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, and our children have been asleep for several hours (while we are just finishing lunch here). Tomorrow is a very significant day for all of us. And for our children, they will wake up in a few hours to the day when we hope they will officially, legally become 'Browns'.

As you have time and are able, please pray for them. First, that the judge in Ethiopia will be convinced that our case is good and clear. There are many adoption petitions that are being denied in Ethiopia recently. We are hopeful that our children's case is compelling in that there are four of them, one parent is deceased and their mother's circumstance is unquestionably dire. For these reasons, we hope that the Ethiopian government will not delay this adoption and will approve it tomorrow.

Second, please pray for the children and their mother. We are assuming that she has been found in the region where they lived (Soddo) and has made the trip to Addis Ababa sometime within the last day or so. She will stay there, appear in court with our agency's attorney (to testify that she is indeed unable to care for her children) and then will have the opportunity to visit her children in the orphanage for one last time before she returns to Soddo. Please pray for her-- that God will strengthen her to take on these tasks and will help her to love and encourage her children in all of this, as best as she can. I honestly don't know how/what to pray for her other than that. If I were in her shoes, I don't know how I would hold it together. I can't imagine something harder than handing my children over to someone else. But I also have no concept of what she endures daily, what she has already lost and what she fears would happen if she attempted to keep her children. So.... just pray.

And lastly, for our children, that God would surround them with His grace to endure seeing her again. That the memories they have of this day would serve to later ground them in their identity and sense of who they really are. My prayer is that they would not hate her and would have some sense of understanding of the love she still has for them. That they would trust her in what she has had to do and would more importantly, trust GOD, and sense His hands carrying them through this tragic time of loss.

Watch this blog tomorrow for, Lord willing, great news of four new Browns!

What They Have Lost

2008-12-10T07:48:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we were given a beautiful gift from our agency. They sent us a group of recent photos of all four of our children viewing a photo album of us, their new family! We gathered around the computer to see these new pictures -- it was a profound experience.

First, to see all four children together was such a treat. We had not seen them together for a picture since early summer and they have all grown so much. The older two seem to have an affection for the babies; and, I have often worried that they would not. The four of them arrived at the orphanage when the babies were just 3 weeks old. And after their arrival, they were divided up -- the babies in one building, L.M. (the five year old boy) in the boy's compound and G.T. (the 7 year old girl) in the girls' compound. With only 3 weeks to bond with them, we have wondered about the attachment that has occured among them. But, from the pictures it seems clear they love their baby siblings, which is an answer to prayer.

I remember the first time I saw pictures of our children on June 2nd of this year. We had been praying and hoping for more children for years. As we set our eyes on these beautiful, frightened little people, we felt a sense of awe. These children belong to God, they are His precious treasures and at that time, although the practical implications of taking on four at once scared us, we felt this enormous sense of blessing and delight, that they might be ours.

Now, over 6 months later, our children are finally introduced to us. I think I had not really thought through what this experience would be like for them. Now that I have seen their faces as they hold this album with pictures of their new mom and dad and siblings, it has really caused me to contemplate the all encompassing loss they have experienced. I know they have been told all along that an American family would likely adopt them. But I'm sure it has been difficult for them to truly grasp what that means. Just the sheer appearance of us (pale and white, even for caucasian standards!), smiling and looking cheerful as the intact little group of four that we are, they must wonder, how do we fit in with this strange family on the other side of the world? Why do they want us?

On a deeper level, it dawned on me that this day of them discovering us is quite the opposite for them than it was for us. For us it was like being handed the most amazing gift you've ever received and you repeat in your mind over and over, "I don't deserve this!" But for them, having lost both parents, their home, their extended family, their friends -- everything they knew -- are they happy or sad, peaceful or anxious at the prospect of us?

I think what caused me to wonder this was the look on G.T.'s face (the 7 year old girl, the oldest). She isn't smiling. She looks afraid and even a bit shocked. I think that seeing us made it all too real for her. Perhaps she was holding out hope that Mom could somehow come back for them. But seeing us and being told that we would be coming to get them soon, maybe that was a bit of reality that was too hard to process that day.

I cannot read her mind, but I know that when M and I saw her face, we grieved. It was a reminder that although adoption will be a beautiful blessing to us and eventually for them, too, that loss and sadness that has occurred in their lives in order for them to become ours is too deep to ever know or comprehend.

I was very sad and even disturbed last night as I thought about them, especially G.T. But this morning I found comfort as God reminded me of who He is and what He can do in our lives, in their lives. As God annointed Isaiah to, "... comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion -- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." Isaiah 61:2,3

What great hope! That hope that God annoints us with the Holy Spirt. And as they come to know and love Christ, he can come into their lives and comfort them and exchange beauty and gladness for their ashes and mourning. And what excitement we have in knowing that God will use our family to make these children 'oaks of righteousness' to 'display His splendor.'

Without this great hope of Christ, where would any of us be?

New pictures and a DVD!

2008-11-06T07:01:00.000-08:00

We received a surprise this week. Someone had made a DVD of all four of our children back in August, while they were still in southern Ethiopia, before they were moved to the main foster home in Addis Ababa. So, it was just a bit outdated but what a delight it was to watch their sweet faces in action!

We were encouraged and surprised that their life there in Soddo was different than we had expected. They show them playing in a court yard with a soccer ball, eating something that looked like macaroni with a SPOON (we had heard that Ethiopian children only know to eat with their hands so we were impressed with that). And, they filmed a scene where Daniel, our 5 year old, was holding up flashcards with letters and American words on them as the other children recited the letters and words in English. I'm not sure how much of that will stick or translate into real communication with us once we get them, but it was much more than I had ever expected.

And best of all, both twins were all smiles! I guess I had worried that our babies would not have the same tendency to smile and interact with people as my biological babies did at that age(or at least not at first) but you could tell that these little ones were quite used to interacting with people and smiling and giggling.

I wish I could post the DVD here but because we are not permitted to share any pictures or specific information about our children until after our court date in December, you'll just have to wait until then... : )

Court Date!

2008-10-28T20:15:00.000-07:00

God's timing is often peculiar and humbling... but always perfect, right?

Just last night I wrote a post about how crazy the adoption process can be and how hard all the turns and unpredictable setbacks are. And I concluded with a nice, pat statement about how all of that stuff just makes us appreciate our children more in the end-- i.e. 'it's all good'.

Well, God tested me on that this morning. When I checked my email, there was a note from my agency stating we had finally been assigned a court date, December 16th. And, my honest reaction was immediately tears of disappointment. The sweet little picture in my mind of all six Christmas stockings on the mantel and frosting sugar cookies as we sing Christmas carols with our newly adopted children had dissolved into an impossibility in that very moment.

Based on how time lines typically go, we had expected a court date sometime before the end of November which would have us traveling sometime before/around Christmas. (and I should note here that the word 'typical' does not belong in any adoption scenario). So, at this point our timeline has been moved back 3-4 weeks. And IF we pass our court date (and that will be another post for another day because passing that date is becoming a more and more difficult feat in Ethiopia), we will travel to bring them home sometime later in January, maybe around the 20th.

But this is the roller coaster we are on right now and I think I've realized, I just need to hold on tight (to the Lord) and let the ride go where it will, trusting that some day we will have these children home. And in the spirit of 'looking on the bright side', I am opening the blog up for suggestions of:

'Things 'B' Should Do Now, While She Can, Before She Has Six Children'.

(**and please keep in mind as you make your suggestions that I do currently have a 6 and 9 year old, so ideas such as sky-diving are probably out....)

The Winding Path of Adoption

2008-10-27T19:43:00.000-07:00

It is fascinating to learn the adoption story behind so many adoptive parents I meet. Rarely do I meet someone who adopted a child quickly and painlessly without much of a snag. Typically, it's the opposite.

My friends pictured here with me are classic examples. We each applied to adopt a baby from China almost 3 years ago. After waiting so long to be matched with a baby, each of us began to pray about God's 'plan B'. For 'C', on the right, God almost literally dropped a newborn baby right in her lap through a domestic adoption. That baby is now almost 2 years old ... and she continues to wait for a match from China. 'A', on the left (yes, we make A.B.C. from left to right) was referred a special needs child from China this summer and is travelling to get her next month.

And of course you know my story of how God has lead us to adopt four siblings in Ethiopia. And I hear of so many others that have had to fight their way to adopt children. Stories of domestic adoptions cancelled by the birthmom; stories of Ethiopian children being reclaimed by other relatives after a referral was accepted; stories of babies dying in the orphanage before their adoptive parents could travel to get them; and stories of countries closing their borders to adoptive families.

Adoption is not for the faint of heart!

I guess God works that way a lot in life. He takes you down one path, only to detour you to another path (and then perhaps even another one!) But as many wise adoptive moms have told me, it's never a mistake or mishap when a door is closed (as it was in China for us) because our God has known from the beginning of time, which children would be ours to love and parent. And through all the red tape, long waits, messed up paperwork, uncooperative US and foreign governments, financial hardships, and heartache of lost referrals, God uses these hurdles as a means to lead us to the child He intends for us to have. And all the pain and difficulty we experience along the way is preparing us to love and delight in our adopted children, to appreciate God blessing us with them that much more.

Depths of Despair

2008-10-20T19:15:00.000-07:00

I have been silent for quite some time and there is a reason for that.

Last week I sort of lapsed into some deep anxiety. There wasn't any real specific event that caused my panic but last week was a dark week for me.

I think that following God onto a dangerous path has its highs and lows. There are times of pure adrenaline when you are completely sold out for God's plan and purpose and you just can't wait to dive in head first. But there are other times when the enemy's voice is loud and clear. And compelling accusations ring clearly in your ear. 'You are not strong enough to take on something like this. Your sin is too great. Your weaknesses will overcome you under pressure like that. The money won't be there. Your life was easier and much better if you had just left it the way it was. What were you thinking?'

So now you see where my anxiety had shipwrecked me. I was beginning to have serious doubts about what we believe God has placed in our laps. I was truly overcome by it and could not pull myself out of it. But praise be to God who did not leave me in that sad and ugly place!

At the last minute, I called our church to see if there was any space left to attend our women's retreat. Historically, I have really despised retreats. I'll just be honest, from 6th grade on when I frantically searched for a pay phone at High Trails Camp to plead with my parents to come and get me, to this day, I have not enjoyed being locked away with a large group of people in a rustic mountain outfit. But this past weekend in the mountains with the ladies of my church was God's answer to my prayer of, 'Help my unbelief!'

The topic of our retreat was the tongue. I initially thought, Oh, that will be a nice little talk to convict me about the occasional times that I gossip about someone. I had no idea what was about to hit me. About 30 minutes into the first session, I realized I had a serious problem with my tongue. As she continued, God brought so many things to mind about the way I talk to my children when they've pushed my buttons, the way I address my husband -- especially when he won't bend to my will -- and the way I casually malign others or divulge their confidences without even thinking about it later. She explained that we are to speak life into the people around us by speaking blessing but so often we speak death by using words that curse.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My [sisters], this should not be. James 3:9,10

So you might question, how did all this help dig you out of that pit you were in? It would seem that the realization of all that sin in my life would just make me feel worse. But the funny thing about sin and the Holy Spirit is that recognizing and finally seeing deep sins in your life is the first real and productive step toward having victory over them. There is hope! After coming home Sunday and weeping with my children and husband, confessing many of the ways I bring them down and essentially curse them with my words, I felt this enormous weight removed from my heart. I could sense God saying, 'See, I have washed you white as snow. You CAN change. You CAN be the person you are trying/hoping to be for these new children I'm bringing you. I was not going to leave you lost in your sin.'

And that's how God works sometimes. God was using my anxiety to set me up for this weekend, to hear a message that I needed to hear. We have to land in the depths of despair (quoting Ann with an 'E') before we have eyes that are wounded yet vulnerable, willing to peer into the darkness of our own hearts and see what God would like us to see. It is then, and only then, that He will take us to new heights of obedience. And the peace and joy that follows that obedience was enough to restore me and help me to say, "I can do all things through Christ who [has now and WILL!] strengthen me!"

The picture here of Mt. Princeton was taken from our window at the retreat by my friend and roommate, Andrea. Thanks, Andrea : )

Life on the Edge of Sanity

2008-10-11T12:11:00.000-07:00

We had an invigorating discussion in our small group Wednesday night that has left me contemplating this all week: How do we know when we are called by God to do something that some would consider foolish or unwise? Or another way to put it, should we be careful to protect our family from risk in this life?

One member of our group was concerned that Christians sometimes throw all caution to the wind, abandon their sense of security (or reason) and take on crazy endeavors-- all because they believe God has called them to it.

No doubt, many of us have known professing Christians who do wacky things, things even outside the boundaries of the Bible, proclaiming a calling from God has put them on that path. But I think we were wrestling over something more complicated than that. At what cost to ourselves, our spouse and our children do we follow what we think God has 'called' us to? I don't know the answer, but here's what M and I thought about as we were contemplating adopting four kids at once.

Looking back on the past 10 years of our marriage and even watching the lives of family and friends around us, we wondered, is there such a thing as 'security' in this life? Do our actions and decisions really influence whether we will avoid calamities, stress, heartache or disaster? The answer was clearly 'no'. We looked back over the past year in our own life. We had experienced severe financial loss. Like a tsunami with no warning system in place, a horrible housing market took almost everything. We had crossed all our 't's' and dotted all our 'i's' but God had another plan.

And we thought about friends and family we knew who had cushioned their life carefully with retirement savings, frugal spending, and a careful avoidance of risk: Just a few kids, not too many; save enough money for college; work the extra hours for the bigger house; take nice vacations each year. But God found them in their soft and easy lives and said, 'I love you too much to let you remain the person you are right here, in this place you have made for yourself. Dear child, I will refine you.' And then came the heat.

Coming to this realization -- that God's sovereignty would bring the storms no matter what sort of tree you hide under freed us up to open a door that could potentially have some difficult things looming behind it. There are so many unknowns in adopting children. But, aren't there unknowns in all of our lives? What will happen to you, your spouse, your children in 2009?

We concluded that life on the edge of sanity might end up being the most sane place after all. Following the call of Christ to love and care for the orphan suddenly seemed 'safe', safe as any other choice. If the Lord is with us, what have we to lose?

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul? Matthew 16:25-27

House guest anyone?

2008-10-08T09:54:00.000-07:00

M will be thoroughly annoyed by this post but I know that there are some Digory fans out there who will appreciate it. I thought it was kind of sad that we had not mentioned this particular member of the family so far. He already endures untold episodes of harassment from the two children currently living in our home -- he has no idea what is coming his way with a team of 6 children 'loving on' him. But if he can handle posing as a pony, enduring daily light saber and plastic sword attacks, being used as a pillow/bed, wearing a size 7 dress and sporting reindeer antlers the entire month of December , then a few extra children around the house are the least of his worries.

But he does have one worry - he doesn't know where he will go when his family heads to Ethiopia. He is looking for a nice B & B here in town. He cleans up after himself well, does not shed and rarely barks. And, he will occasionally take on some light housework. Interested parties, inquire immediately...

Our Dossier is Headed to Ethiopia!

2008-10-06T18:15:00.000-07:00

Are you enjoying watching the illustrious travels of our dossier? It has lead quite an exciting life over the past few weeks, but now it finally flies to Ethiopia where it will fulfill its life ambition -- to bring these children home to us!

And, if you've been reading between the lines in my posts, we were convinced that nothing short of a miracle would enable us to send the dossier to Ethiopia this week. A very large chunk of our adoption fees ($22,750, to be exact) were due today before the dossier would be mailed to Ethiopia. Less than 24 hours before that deadline hit this morning, God delivered. A precious couple in our church approached us yesterday morning, simply asked how much we were short, and then proceeded to write us a check for that amount , $3,500. We were speechless.

We stand amazed at the power of God and the beautiful way He chooses to raise up obedient saints to accomplish His great purposes on this earth. We are simply vessels, cooperating with His will, as we stand back and watch Him move mountains to bring four helpless Ethiopian children into our family here in America. What a mighty God He is!

Suburban It Is

2008-10-04T22:01:00.000-07:00

For those of you who remember me mentioning our dilemma several months ago about what sort of vehicle we would buy to fit all eight of us, you can now sleep at night. The decision was made. We have landed in a large, gas-guzzling Suburban. It was a close race between that and an 8-passenger mini-van, but the Suburban edged out the minivans with all the cargo space in the back to fit a double-stroller and 100 bags of groceries (this scenario was actually tested). And, with two large carseats crammed into the front row, with the 3rd seat constantly folding forward to let the other 3 older kids in the back (only moms will track with me here), the Suburban seemed to be the easiest (easy being a relative term) solution to our unique situation. And with the cost of gas like it is, car dealerships are almost giving large SUVs away because the only people that want them are those adopting four additional children -- or some other crazy scenario.

Okay, so now all we need are our kids. (That is a joke. We are not even CLOSE to being ready for them!)

Dossier has cleared Washington!

2008-10-02T09:59:00.000-07:00

We just received a call from the courier in DC stating that our dossier was approved and authenticated by the State Department and the Ethiopian Embassy. Hooray! They are over-nighting it to our adoption agency today and it should be ready to go to Ethiopia tomorrow, once we pay our first set of fees that are $22,750. So, please pray for a good report from LifeSong for Orphans today. We do believe that God's provision will be there. For specific details on what that means... email us at westbrowns@comcast.net. We are going to start emailing specific reports on the financial end of this. If you would like to receive those updates, please shoot us an email. Thank you to all who prayed for our dossier's trip to DC!

Dossier in DC!

2008-09-30T18:06:00.000-07:00

Our dossier arrived in Washington,DC yesterday afternoon! Today and tomorrow, it is traveling around DC, first to the U.S. State Department to be authenticated and then to the Ethiopian Embassy for more authentication. After so many setbacks and frustrating re-do's, it is exciting to see it finally there. Next, it will be mailed back to our agency which will forward it on to Ethiopia, once we pay all our fees ($22,750) before being sent off. (Hmm, that is another blog for another day) But at this point, please pray for the timing on that.

And, I wanted to post a picture of S at the INS Application Support Center. We did a homeschool field trip (hah) there last week to do our fingerprints again. M and I are proud to tell you that we are officially experts at having our fingerprints taken and considered it a delight to journey to the beautiful Denver suburb of Aurora. The office is nestled in a posh 1975ish strip mall with the smell of fast food grease and a dry cleaner next door mingling throughout the building. No offense, INS, but we do hope we won't experience this encounter again!

Waterfall of Grace

2008-09-21T12:53:00.000-07:00

It is hard to put into words how it is that the Holy Spirit nudges people into doing something outside what is comfortable. For us, it was a process of evaluating questions like, "Why are we really here on this earth?" "Who is our provider?" "What are our goals for the future and do they align with God's heart and kingdom?"

God used those questions to invite us to walk a new path with Him that looks scary, unpredictable, full of risk and downright impossible as we signed up to adopt these four children from Ethiopia. But it all depends on your perspective.

Steven Curtis Chapman wrote about the time he sensed God's call to pursue a second adoption from China. He describes the moment where he knew God wasn't forcing him to make this choice but the door of opportunity was presented:

God [seemed to be] saying, "I delight in setting the lonely in families, so I'm going to keep pouring out my love for orphans, and I'm looking for hearts to pour it into. I'm looking for people who really want to do what I'm doing."
He didn't say, "If you don't do this, I'm going to be disappointed with you." Instead, it's as if, as a Dad, God put His arm around me and said, 'You don't have to do this, but I'm inviting you in, because I want you to know Me, and I want our relationship to go deeper. If you really want to see Me show up, I want to take you on another adventure."

So I broke the news to my family and told them, "I think God wants us to bring another child to stand under the waterfall of grace." I just pictured God pouring out His grace, inviting us to bring another child to stand under it. God was saying, "I'm going to bring them into my family, but I want to invite you to be a part of that. I'm going to glorify myself through this."

Steven Curtis' Chapman's description of a 'waterfall of grace' turns the fear and sacrifice of something like this on its face. God is calling His people -- even the small, helpless orphans of this world that don't even have a full name and birthdate -- to Himself! They are already His and of infinite value to Him! And we are being invited to join Him in this endeavor. What a precious privilege it is to be the hands and feet that bring these children to stand under that waterfall. And as we stand there embracing these children under that waterfall, are we not also the recipients of that abundant grace?

'And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness-- secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name.' -- Isaiah 45:3

"The Americans Will Adopt Anyone"

2008-09-18T13:22:00.000-07:00

I read a fascinating narrative this summer about an Ethiopian woman who sort of 'fell into' running an orphanage in Addis Ababa several years ago. The book is called There Is No Me Without You and is written by Melissa Fay Greene. Her story was mesmerizing and it really gives a broad pictures of what is happening in Ethiopia. It was definitely a page turner.

About half-way through the story, Haregewoin, who is an older widow that has taken orphans in from the streets finds herself overwhelmed with children. Relief comes to her doorstep one day when a European contact asks if she can begin arranging adoptions for the orphan infants. Following this encounter, the cribs within her compound becoming a revolving door as infants are quickly adopted by foreign families.

One day as a Spanish agency rep loaded twin baby boys into his backseat, Haregewoin watched as several older children peered out from behind the tin walls at the departure of the infants.

At the beginning, the older children had run to comb their hair and change their shirts when visitors came, hoping that a last-minute excellent impression would make a difference. ...

"Doesn't anyone ever want to adopt an older child?" she asked the Spanish agency rep ...

"No," said the agency rep. "People want babies. Sometimes toddlers, but mostly babies and most of all, baby girls."

... "But won't someone adopt the older children?" Haregewoin sighed as a Canadian-agency person prepared to depart with a baby [another day].

"Try the Americans."

"What? Really?"

"The Americans will adopt anyone."

"What does [that] mean?"

"There was a boy at the Mother Teresa Home who lost both his legs ..."

"What?"

"I think he was herding his goats over train tracks and the train came and caught the boy. But the Americans are adopting him. They'll adopt school kids. They'll adopt kids with CP. They call them 'special needs.' They'll adopt---"

"Boys?"

"Yes, boys! They adopt boys, they adopt siblings."

"But big boys? School-age boys?"

"Yes, I'm telling you!"
Haregewoin was off like a shot. She sprinted to her house to start making phone calls to find the Americans.

As I read this, my eyes welled up with tears of pride and patriotism. Not because America is big and wealthy, but because the heart of God has penetrated the hearts of so many of His children here, to love and care for the orphan; and to put the abundant blessings we enjoy here to the use of His kingdom. So much so that others around the world notice that only in America, would they find adoptive families for 'the least of these'.

Ethiopia's Orphanages Overflowing

2008-09-09T19:50:00.000-07:00

We did some digging since my last post to figure out what is going on with our kids. We were excited the Shannons got to see them as they picked up their own kids, an unexpected experience for both of us.

What we have learned is that our kids have been moved to Addis Ababa from the original orphanage in Soddo, which is 8-10 hours south. They were not supposed to be moved until our paperwork was officially processed there (which it has not reached that point yet). However, our agency told us this morning that the southern orphanages are desperate for space because of the increasing number of children they're receiving each day. So in a nutshell, our kids were moved prematurely to make room for more, newly orphaned children. The only reason the orphanage in Addis has room in this crisis is because they're continually handing off children to adoptive families (like us =))

You might say, what in the world is going on over there? It is unfortunate that most of western civilization doesn't have a real appetite for news of this kind, so it is oddly missing from the headlines most of the time. Here's an article that explains Ethiopia's 'toxic cocktail: drought, global inflation, armed conflict and assorted plagues'. Our kids over there were certainly victims of this 'cocktail' with one parent taken by malaria and the other, starvation. Watch and tell us what you think.

They saw them!

2008-09-07T19:50:00.000-07:00

Our dear friends, the Shannons, just got back from Ethiopia this weekend with their new kids. We are using the same agency for our adoptions and received our referrals within a few months of each other. What has been really fun is that their children and ours are from the same region and have been in the same orphanage. However, we thought that ours remained in Soddo (about 8 hours south of Addis) and had not been moved to Addis Ababa yet, as their's had.

But when they went to the foster home to pick up their children last week, they saw our older two children! Tigist was playing with some other girls in the front courtyard. They kept smiling at her and even tried to speak with her but she apparently was very shy and I'm sure could not understand them. Then, they saw Daniel get off of a bus and go inside with some other boys. (They keep the children seperated by gender, which is sad because I don't know how much they get to see their siblings.)

I can't explain the joy and excitement we have experienced, knowing that they saw them in person. Although we have received a nice handful of pictures from our agency and they update us on their vital statistics, there was something so real and tangible to hear how near they were--that they talked with them and made eye contact -with these precious little souls that are so much a part of our hearts and thoughts, though not yet ours. How we long for the day when that shy little smile will be for us!

They are growing!!

2008-09-03T12:23:00.000-07:00

We recently received new measurements for the older two children. Elsie (Elizabeth), who is 7, was only 30.8 lbs. when she arrived at the orphanage in May. She is now 41.8 pounds and has grown one and a half inches!

Daniel, who is 5 and only weighed 22 lbs. when he arrived at the orphanage now weighs 30.8 pounds and has also grown one and a half inches! They are eating well, it would seem, and are certainly in a place of blessing while the world around them is starving from a severe famine. Please pray for them, that they will continue to grow, and for Ethiopia-- that God will pour out His grace and mercy on this severely afflicted nation.

Labor Day Weekend

2008-09-03T12:13:00.000-07:00

What a gorgeous morning for the Balloon Classic on Monday! I had to post this picture my Dad took of our family in front of the 'Noah's Ark' balloon (before it was inflated). Many of you will be seeing this picture arrive with our support letters but you get to see it here, too.

On another note, good news that our agency finally received their new attorney license so we can now continue pushing our dossier through. The next step is authentication at the U.S. State Department. We are praying this step will be fast and uneventful.

Garage sale find!

2008-08-30T13:05:00.000-07:00

Sophie and I were on our way home this morning and succumbed to just one more garage sale. We found this adorable little play mat that has cute little black babies on it- perfect for Ollie and Olivia! They wanted $2 for it and it had some marker-looking stains on it so I was silent for second. (Come on garage sale junkies, is that too much? I still don't know.) So then I asked them if they'd take a dollar for it and they scowled at that (!) It was time to get real with these people. I said, "If I tell you what I'm doing, you might let me have it for a dollar." Then I proceeded to tell them about the our adotpion. They looked so shocked that I think they were not sure if I was making it up or not but the woman just said, "Oh, just take it! Don't pay us, please." Yikes, I wasn't trying to rip them off : ) I should note here, that they were black, which of course doesn't matter but I have been getting a wide variety of reactions from people of color when I tell them what we're doing. I think they just don't know what to think. But I do hate making people feel uncomfortable. I guess we should get used to it, though. What will it be like when I pull up to that garage sale next year and I am outnumbered by blacks in my family 3-4! This is going to be fun!

Our story, abridged

2008-08-30T11:17:00.000-07:00

We love children. And we adore the ones that God has given us. But we've always felt like something was missing. We think it was God putting adoption on our hearts.

So three years ago we applied to adopt a baby girl from China.

That path took a detour this past Spring when we decided to adopt a sibling group from Ethiopia, while we continued to wait for a match from China.

Our intention was to adopt two Ethiopian children, a girl and a boy, each slightly younger than our two. We were quickly matched with two kids that fit our request exactly. However, a week later, our agency received new information about them– they have twin infant siblings which must be adopted with them.

If we wanted to adopt them, then they came as a group of FOUR!

After weeks of prayer and seeking the counsel of other Christians, God lead us to an answer: John 15:13 - “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends.” We realized that despite our fears and feelings of inadequacy as parents, God was calling us to this — to lay down our lives for them.

And to trust Him to be our sufficiency. So now…. off we go to Ethiopia!!!!!